


Are You Happier Without Me?

by Katsudonace



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Keith and Shiro are Siblings, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Set after Season 4, Talk of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 09:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13633455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katsudonace/pseuds/Katsudonace
Summary: Knowledge or Death is the way of the Blade of Marmora. During a battle, Keith sacrifices himself and ends up vanishing into the vastness of space. Most believe Keith is dead, except Lance, who begins searching for him. Lance does find Keith, but when he does, it seems that Keith is happier on the small planet. Does Lance tell him what happened or let Keith continue to be happy without his memory?





	Are You Happier Without Me?

**Author's Note:**

> This is for [valen-klance](https://valen-klance.tumblr.com/) for the [antisvldexchange](https://antisvldexchange.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Huge thanks to [angst-in-space](http://angst-in-space.tumblr.com/) and [lancesgalaxy](http://lancesgalaxy.tumblr.com/) for betaing! I love you, too!

It was a long day for Lance. Actually, it was an extremely long month for Lance with today being one of the many failures in a string of failures that added up to the sum of his life. 

The trouble started before the disappearance. No one had said anything, and he hated Matt a little for not saying anything. Though, it wasn’t as if Keith had said that he was going to sacrifice himself to bring down the barrier. Maybe if someone had told Lance, told the team, then maybe he wouldn’t be searching endlessly right now, searching for Keith, or whatever was left of him after the crash.

The battle wasn’t supposed to be a hard one according to Shiro. The base wasn’t supposed to be that crowded. It felt like that was happening a lot lately, but no one had listened to Lance when he brought up the issue. Maybe it was Lance’s fault that Keith’s ship went down, because he hadn’t said anything to Shiro about them taking too many risks. Regardless of whether it was his fault, even if Lance thought that it was, that didn’t change the fact that Keith had been reckless during the battle.

Lance had noticed that Keith was fighting with more abandon, but he’d thought that was what the Blades did. He wasn’t around Keith enough to notice the change in him, and when he was, Keith was good at keeping up the act that everything was normal. It was why it was Lance’s fault that Keith rammed the ship coming for him. He’d been careless, not just for allowing his lion to get damaged in the battle, but also for not seeing the signs that Keith had given up on everything.

No matter how Lance looked at it, all he could see were reasons why it was his fault that Keith had disappeared, not gone, despite what the other Blade members said. Keith was tough. He wouldn’t die in a crash like that, even if his ship was on fire, and Lance saw rip in the hull then Keith fall, with the ship not far behind, out of sight into the vastness of space. However, a month into his search, it was starting to seem as if he was wrong, and that it was only the guilt that was convincing him that Keith was still alive somewhere.

Sighing, Lance knew he needed to take a break. He’d been to six planets today, taking a small shuttle ship to each instead of his lion because he didn’t want to draw attention to himself while he searched. He wasn’t here to sign autographs or promote the Coalition. This was all to find Keith, and none of the planets even knew there was a battle going on in their quadrant, let alone see a ship crash on their planet. He’d wasted another day of fruitless searching, and he finally understood how Keith had felt when his brother went missing. Though, maybe in a different way, because somehow, he’d fallen in love with Keith, and didn’t even know it until he lost him.

The current planet that he was on was one of the more commercial ones. There was still a bit of green, but it was more urban planning than that it grew there naturally. At least it wasn’t as cramped as the space mall, giving Lance a bit of breathing room. Near the landing port, there was a square building with a large sign that read Klarc’s, which reminded him a bit of the old-fashioned diners that they had back on Earth. It filled him with a sense of comfort, something that reminded him of home, so he made a beeline for it, deciding that he’d ask after Keith once he had some food.

Lance entered the diner, or whatever it was called on this planet. It looked like a diner with a long bar, stools bolted to the floor and booths shoved up against the windows. Despite everything being chrome and shiny, it filled Lance with a sense of home that he hadn’t felt in a long time. There weren’t many people in here, just a purple guy who looked like a cockroach behind the counter at the grill and a few scattered customers, who didn’t look up from their meals as Lance stepped further inside the restaurant.

When no one came to greet him, Lance decided to seat himself, choosing one of the booths that were further in the back, away from everyone else. He noticed a holopad tucked behind some green and orange condiments that Lance didn’t recognize. Lance grabbed it, flicking through the pages and skimming all the choices. None of them sounded very appetizing, but by now, Lance was used to the weird alien food. If it didn’t kill him, he shouldn’t complain, he guessed.

Movement to his side caught his attention, but Lance didn’t look up as he was still trying to figure out what he wanted. “Do you need a few minutes?” a familiar voice asked cheerfully. The words barely registered as Lance turned his head to see Keith standing before him. “I could get you something to drink while you looked.”

Lance’s jaw dropped as he stared at Keith, _really_ Keith. He’d know him anywhere even in complete darkness. Anger welled inside Lance. All this time, Keith had been safe here. He hadn’t called or let anyone know he was alive. Keith had let everyone think that he was dead. “Keith,” Lance started, trying to keep his voice calm, “what the cheese?”

“Cheese?” Keith muttered in confusion. “And how’d you know my name?” He seemed mystified for a moment longer before his expression softened, and he laughed. “Oh, yeah.” He rapped his knuckles gently on the side of his head then pointed at a nametag that Lance hadn’t even noticed was there until now. “Sorry about that. Still getting used to this. I’ve never been a waiter before. Or at least, I think I haven’t.”

Lance looked at him, eyes flickering up and down, taking in all of Keith. He wore more relaxed clothes than usual, dressed in black slacks and a blue t-shirt, not that fashion nightmare with the black leggings and red half-jacket. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail that kept it tamed, opposed to the wild mullet. Though, what stood out most to Lance was that he looked happy, happier than Lance had ever seen him. It hurt for a moment before the conversation caught up with him, and his anger was replaced with a sinking, nauseous feeling.

“It’s okay,” Lance said finally. He continued to stare at Keith, knowing that he must have seemed creepy from the way he’d been staring, but if Keith minded, he didn’t say. “Maybe this is nosy of me, but what do you mean that you only _think_ that you haven’t been a waiter before? Wouldn’t you know if you had been?”

“Nope.” Keith shrugged. “The hull of my ship ripped or something, and I crash landed in a field. I ended up in the hospital, was even in a coma for a couple of days. When I woke up, I had no idea who I was or where I came from.” He tapped the side of his head. “There was some swelling, I guess? Wiped my memory. Everyone’s been real nice, though. Helped me get this job.”

“Oh.” Lance didn’t know why, but it felt as if the floor had given out underneath him, depositing him into an endless void. “So, then you don’t recognize me?” He pointed at himself, and Keith tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowing in the way they did when he was thinking. “You have no idea who I am at all?”

Keith stared at him for a few more seconds before a look of recognition lit up his features. “Klarc!” he yelled over his shoulder excitedly with a large grin. “Look who it is! It’s the Red Paladin! From the Voltron Show!” A few eyes turned to Lance, and he slunk down in his seat slightly, placing a hand over his side of his face to block out everyone. “I almost picked Lance as my name, since you’re my favorite, but Keith is my second favorite, and for some reason, the name just felt right.”

“It’s- I’m glad that I’m your favorite,” Lance said, suddenly feeling sick. He wasn’t hungry any longer. “I- I guess I could get you Keith’s autograph if you wanted. Maybe-” He was about to tell Keith to come back to the Castle with him, see if maybe the healing pods could fix him, but there was an excitement, happiness growing on Keith’s face that gave Lance pause. “Maybe I’ll even let you take a picture with me before I head back to the Coalition.”

“Yeah, I would be so grateful if you could!” Keith was bouncing now. It was cute how happy he seemed. For some reason, it felt wrong for Lance to ruin that. “I’m going to go get my phone from my locker. I’ll be back.” He then turned, and Lance watched him run behind the counter. “I’m going on break!” Keith shouted at the purple cockroach guy, possibly Klarc, before he rushed through a door and out of sight.

Lance returned his attention to the menu pad in front of him, running a hand through his hair. He had no idea what to do or how to go about this. Keith seemed happy here without his memories. Though, why wouldn’t he be? Keith didn’t remember his mom leaving or his dad dying. He didn’t remember Shiro disappearing or getting kicked out of the Garrison. The fact that he was half-Galra, one of the enemy, wasn’t weighing on him. Most of all, he didn’t remember Lance, which was something he was sure a lot of people wanted.

When Lance heard the door open again, he sobered up, putting on an easy smile, not wanting to disappoint a fan, even if that happened to be a former rival. He looked up and saw there was something different about Keith, a blush in his cheeks. Keith fidgeted nervously, looking back at a blue cockroach lady who was staring at them through an open window leading to the back. She gave Keith an encouraging nod, which seemed to give Keith resolve as he stood up straighter.

“I was wondering,” Keith said, hands twisting nervously in front of him. “The holovids said that you weren’t seeing anyone.” Lance’s eyes widened, knowing where this was going instantly. “And well, there’s this really nice park nearby. It’s sort of a date place, but since you’re not seeing anyone, it wouldn’t matter. And my boss said that I could have the day rest of the day off, so maybe you’d want to go there to take the picture?”

“Uh, I-” Lance frowned. “Actually, there’s someone that I like.” He didn’t want to lead Keith on, and it wasn’t as if it wasn’t true. Maybe someone else would have taken advantage of the situation, especially since this Keith seemed to like him, but that wasn’t Lance. “We can still take the picture at the place, though. I wouldn’t mind doing that for a fan.”

Keith looked disappointed, his nose wrinkling slightly as his eyes flickered down to the floor. “If you like them then they have to be pretty cool.” He glanced up at Lance, and there was a flicker of determination. Keith was never the one to give up, even when he was beat, and it was a relief to see it was him. “He probably is really cute, too, huh?” Keith leaned forward, elbow resting on the back of the booth. “Has to be if he’s with you.”

“Yeah, he- they kind of are.” Lance’s cheeks felt hot. The wheels were turning in Keith’s head, and it was clear that he was fishing for information. Though, knowing that wouldn’t help, since Lance didn’t know how to handle Keith flirting with him. “We should-” He cleared his throat. “We should get going to that park. Lighting is best right now, right?”

A smirk appeared on Keith’s face, and Lance hated it. Lance tried to ignore it as he slid out of the booth, but Keith extended his arm, signaling Lance to walk ahead. When he did, Keith put a hand on the small of Lance’s back as he began leading him out of the diner. It was hard, but he pulled out of Keith’s reach, watching a frown appear on Keith’s face. Lance reminded himself that it was for the best.

“I’ll just follow your lead,” Lance said, sticking his hands into his jacket pockets. He walked down the sidewalk, though he assumed it was because like the diner, everything was chrome with barely an ounce of green. It made him wonder what the park looked like. “So, you like it here on this planet?”

“I guess I do.” Keith walked beside Lance, held tilting as he considered the question. “Though, I guess I don’t remember anything else besides this planet, so it’s not like I can judge.” He bit at his bottom lip. “What’s it like in the Coalition? Are there more people like us up there? Besides the other paladins, I mean.”

“People like us? You mean humans?” When Keith nodded his head, Lance was tempted to tell Keith that he wasn’t fully human, but then, if it got out that Keith was Galra, this planet might not be so welcoming to him any longer. “No, we’re the only ones. We came from a planet called Earth. We didn’t even know all this existed until we boarded the blue lion and were sent here.”

Keith’s lips pursed. “Then how did I get here?” The question hit hard, but Keith always had a way of getting right to the point. “I’ve kind of been wondering that since I woke up.” He looked at some people walking on the other side of the street from them. “I don’t look like anyone here, but I look like you, I look like the other paladins. I don’t know why.”

Lance paused, uncertain how to answer. “Would you believe that you lived on Earth with all of us and that you were the one who found the blue lion? And that you were the Red Paladin before I was, but then you quit to join a different group for really vague reasons? And that your ship was damaged in a fire fight while attacking a Galra fleet and that’s how you crashed?”

Stopping in his tracks, Keith stared at Lance, nose wrinkling and head tilting to the side. Lance thought that maybe that had jogged Keith’s memory, but a moment later, he burst out laughing. “You had me for a tick,” he said as he began walking again. “If I was a paladin, there’s no way that’d I’d leave, especially if I got to be around someone like you all day.”

“Can’t pull one over on you, huh?” Lance said, glancing away from Keith. He fell in line with him, not certain what else to say on the matter. It was hard to know what to do. Did he push? Continue to try to get Keith to remember? Or did he leave him? He seemed happy here, happier than Lance remembered ever seeing him. “I’m sure you’ll figure out how you got here one day. And if you ever find a way back to Earth, let me know.”

“Yeah, of course,” Keith said cheerfully. Lance glanced over at him, which was a mistake, because Keith was smiling brightly. It was cute, and Lance hated that he couldn’t do anything about it. “I can’t remember anything about our home planet. I feel like I should miss it, but I don’t. I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s because I lost my memory and don’t remember it. Can you tell me about Earth? What was it like?”

Lance snorted, knowing exactly why Keith didn’t miss it, but he didn’t say as such. Why drag up the memory that Keith was abandoned on Earth? “It’s great,” Lance replied, still trying to decide how much he should sugar-coat it. “It’s not like here. A lot more green around for one, in some places anyway. Some have sand dunes, if you remember what those are. The people are nice, just like here, too. You’ll like it, if you ever make it back.”

“You think so?” When Lance nodded, Keith grinned wider, like he didn’t have the weight of the world weighing on him. “I’ve been considering joining the Coalition.” Lance tensed, jaw set, but Keith didn’t seem to notice. “I’ve been wanting to get off this planet, do something helpful. It might help me get back to Earth, too.”

“No.” Lance turned, grabbing Keith by the shoulders. “Whatever you do, don’t join the Coalition.” Keith blinked at him, looking startled at Lance’s outburst. Realizing what he’d done, Lance quickly removed his hands from him. “Sorry. It’s just- You’re happy here, right? Why would you want to leave to join a war? I- Keith-”

It was hard. He didn’t know how to tell Keith that he wanted him to be happy. If he went back, then he’d be caught up in all the bad again. Though, Keith didn’t seem to see it that way as his gaze dropped to the ground. “I guess you’re right. What would I have to offer the Coalition?” he sighed. “It’s really nice here, but it’s hard not to feel like I should be doing more.”

Keith had done enough for the Coalition. He had nearly given his life for it. He’d earned some happiness. So, Lance didn’t feel like he was lying when he said, “I think you’re doing fine. Just watching the Voltron Show, getting the message out there that there is hope and people fighting for them is enough.” He shrugged his shoulders. “You don’t have to go to war to be useful.”

“True.” Keith’s eyes remained on the ground. His fists clenched at his sides, hand tightening over his camera. “I thought you of all people would understand why I wanted to fight.” His eyes raised up to glare at Lance. “You advertise going against the Galra Empire. You encourage everyone to do their part. Everything in me is telling me to fight, and you think I should just sit on the sidelines?”

“Yes!” Lance snapped. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm down. “I mean, I do understand wanting to fight, but I don’t understand why you’re so eager to get yourself killed!” Lance knew Keith wouldn’t have the real answer for him, only it was hard not to be frustrated with him all the same. “You ever think that maybe some people want you alive? That some people would be sad if you died!?”

Keith blinked at him, staring at him wide-eyed. He opened his mouth then closed it, lips thinning as he seemed to be at a loss for words. “Did he die?” Keith asked cautiously. His eyes softened, and Lance hated the sympathetic gaze in them. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. Sometimes, I just say things without-”

“He might as well be,” Lance answered with a sad smile. “It’s fine. I didn’t mean to lose my temper.” He inhaled sharply, calming himself further. “I just want you to be happy, you know? You’re going to stay here, maybe make it back to Earth, but you’ll have a family, people who love you. That’s all I want for you.”

“Uh, thanks.” Keith blushed and scratched the side of his cheek. “He was lucky, if he had someone like you who cared so much about him.” A smile spread across Keith’s face, and Lance didn’t know a smile could hurt so badly. “I’ll try to take your advice. If I- it means so much to you, Red Paladin.”

Lance sighed. “Let’s just take that picture.” They walked in silence after that, and he could tell that he’d ruined Keith’s excitement. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe if he thought the Paladins of Voltron were jerks then he wouldn’t want to join the Coalition. It was for the best, at least that was what Lance decided. Keith didn’t deserve to feel any more pain. Whatever had driven him to sacrifice himself, Lance didn’t want him to ever feel that again.

It wasn’t much longer before they reached the park, and it thankfully wasn’t chrome. The park reminded Lance of the ones that they had on Earth, with carefully placed trees, an artificial pond, and a sectioned off playground. Keith led Lance to the pond, positioning them towards the trees so none of the chrome buildings would be in the background. Lance put on his best smile, not wanting to ruin Keith’s picture.

“Thanks,” Keith said, holding up the camera awkwardly. Lance didn’t blame him. The situation had become extremely uncomfortable since Lance’s outburst. “I really appreciate you taking time out of your schedule to do this for me.” He forced a smile. “And I can’t wait to get those autographs. Don’t forget Keith’s, okay?”

“Of course I’ll get Keith’s autograph! I’ll go to her first, tell her what a fan you are of her.” Lance began to walk away from Keith, waving over his shoulder as he did. He was almost certain that he remembered how to get to the spaceport from here, and even if he didn’t, it was better than asking Keith to show him. “Catch you later, Mullet! Don’t get into too much trouble while I’m gone.”

“Mullet?” Keith asked in small voice. Looking over his shoulder, Lance could see a frown had formed on Keith’s face. His eyes looked lost with his nose wrinkling as he tried to process what Lance had said. Keith stared at Lance, looking as if he was waiting for an answer, or maybe he was trying to figure out what Lance meant. It was Keith, after all.

“It’s a nickname.” Lance pointed at his head, though he didn’t stop walking. He worried that if he stopped, he might not be able to leave. “Because that’s what your haircut’s called.” He then turned and continued to quickly walk away from Keith, as fast as his legs could carry him. Since he had his back to him, Lance didn’t notice the way Keith stood there, frozen in the spot, eyes wide and vacant. He had no idea what he had sparked.

* * *

Everything was a mess. Memories were coming back in bits and pieces, and Keith hated it. The first memory that hit him was the stupid bonding moment, making his heart feel fluttery, as if he had been the person Lance had been speaking about, only for that to come crashing down when the next was Lance saying that they hadn’t had one. It was confusing and disjointed, which was why he didn’t return to work, even if he knew it would make Klarc and Yarm worry about him.

Stumbling back to his apartment, the one that everyone at Klarc’s had helped pay for, Keith collapsed on his bed, tucking a hand under his head as he stared off into space. The memories were random, and he curled in on himself, trying to get them to stop. Sometimes, they were happy like when he found out that he had a brother. Others weren’t, such as the memories of his mother leaving him or attending his dad’s funeral.

Keith had no idea how much time had passed as he rocked back and forth, trying to get the memories to stop. He only came back to himself when his buzzer went off, signaling that someone was at his apartment. Thinking that it might be Klarc, Keith got up, using his sleeves to wipe the tears from his eyes, and went to the intercom. “Come up,” Keith said, as he hit the button to let the door open.

Leaning against the wall, Keith tried to think of an excuse as to why he wasn’t at work. He hadn’t taken a day off since he was hired, so maybe he wouldn’t be mad, just concerned. Still, he didn’t know how to explain that he’d begun to get his memories back, and they weren’t good. Maybe Lance was right. He should have just been content with what he had instead of reaching out to find his past.

“Keith?” a voice that wasn’t Klarc’s rang out followed by a knock on the door. Keith slammed his head against the wall, wishing that he didn’t recognize Lance’s voice. “Hey, buddy, you in there?” There was another knock. “Klarc told me you didn’t come in today.” Keith frowned. Klarc was dead to him now. “I got those autographs you wanted. You know, from the other Keith and the rest of the Paladins.”

There was silence, and Keith hoped that maybe Lance had gone away, but he heard a soft thud. “Yeah, I guess I don’t blame you for not opening the door. I was kind of an ass yesterday.” Keith crossed his arms over his chest, another memory coming to him, of Lance and an encouraging arm on his shoulder. “The guy that I was talking about yesterday. It hurt, because I only realized I loved him after he was gone, so I’m sorry for taking those feelings out on you. You didn’t deserve that, man.”

Unable to stop himself, Keith turned and opened the door, watching it slide to the side to reveal Lance. A smile lit up Lance’s face, but it was sad. Keith hadn’t known that Lance had feelings for someone. Another reason why it was good that he left. Because Keith was gone, Lance was able to find someone, even if he did up losing them in the end.

It hurt that Lance was going to leave him here, but maybe it was for the best. He probably knew everything by now, what happened in the battle, what Keith had almost done. All Keith needed to do was get through this one last conversation, then he didn’t need to see Lance again. Lance could be happy with whoever he liked, and Keith could go back to the Blades, avoid being seen by Voltron, let them think that he was in a better place.

“Hey,” Keith said, hugging his arms tighter around himself. “I didn’t expect to see you again.” He wondered if he should tell Lance that he remembered him, or at least was starting to remember him. “So, you have my autographs?” It almost made him cringe that he’d asked for Allura’s autograph. “You want to pass them over or...”

As he trailed off, Lance stared at him. “There’s something different. Have you been-?” Lance reached a hand up, looking as if he was about to touch Keith’s face, before he snatched it back, jamming it into his pocket. “It looks like you’ve been crying. Your eyes are all puffy and bloodshot. Did I hurt you that bad yesterday?”

“It has nothing to do with you.” Keith took a step back, knowing that it was a lie. If Lance hadn’t shown up, he wouldn’t have remembered anything. He didn’t even understand why Lance came here in the first place. “Why did you even come here? This planet is so far out on the rim of the territory that they’ve only heard rumors of the Galra.”

“Sorry,” Lance said, even though Keith had told him it wasn’t his fault. Keith guessed he wasn’t that great at hiding his emotions from Lance. “I didn’t mean to throw a wrench in everything.” He glanced off to the side. “I guess I came here because I was looking for someone, the guy I was talking about. All I did, though, was mess everything up for you. You deserve to be happy, Mullet. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

There was that nickname again. It was a dumb nickname, but the way he said it sounded fond. “Lance...” Keith reached out to touch him, but Lance snatched his hand away. “Thanks. For wanting me to be happy. That’s all I wanted to say.” His lips thinned. He hadn’t realized how much it would hurt when Lance found someone else. “I’m glad that you found someone, too. Like I said, he’s very lucky to have someone like you.”

“Not lucky at all.” Lance reached into his jacket and pulled out a holopad. “I guess I’ve just been stalling, but I should hand this over.” He sighed then held the holopad out to Keith. “It’s got all of our signatures. Coran even signed it. But, I think he just wanted to be included. I hope this makes you the envy of the whole planet.”

As Keith reached out and took the holopad, another sad smile appeared on Lance’s lips. “Just one last thing before you go...” Keith trailed off, tapping his fingers against the glass screen nervously. “Why is it so important that I be happy? I know you’re nice to your fans, but the way you’re acting is a bit much.”

“You caught me, man.” Lance laughed, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. “You remind me of the guy I was telling you about. He had a lot of bad things happen to him, things that he didn’t deserve. It put him in a bad place, and I guess by telling you to be happy, it feels like I’m telling him to be happy.”

“Oh.” Keith frowned, not certain how to process that. It sounded like Keith was the one that Lance was in love with. “And you think by leaving me here without my memory is the nicest thing to do then? Not tell me that you knew who I was because I was ‘happy’?” The way Lance’s eyes popped was worth giving up the ruse. It wouldn’t affect his plans letting Lance know that he remembered. “I can’t believe you were just going to leave me here to rot!”

“You were happier here!” Lance shouted back. Keith could see the guilt in Lance’s eyes just underneath the anger. “It felt as if I was doing you a favor! Why would I want you to be in pain? Matt told me what you tried to do! Did you think I wanted you to go back to that place? What kind of person would I be if I didn’t want to see you happy?”

“It wasn’t your choice to make. I would’ve stayed on this planet for the rest of my life.” Keith bit his lip, stopping himself from saying that he’d have spent his entire life away from Lance, too. “You shouldn’t have kept any of it from me. The moment you saw me, you should have dragged me back and got them to help me recover my memories!”

“Get your memories back so you could what? Kill yourself for a dumbass cause? Because I couldn’t. I know what I did was wrong...” Lance’s fists clenched tightly at his sides. “It was wrong to not tell you, and selfish to let you go on thinking we were strangers. But you scared me. And I thought, maybe this was the universe giving you a fresh start, making it up to you for all the crap it put you through. I didn’t want to make you feel that again.”

Lance’s words from the other day filtered in, cluttered among everything else that he was remembering. He’d been talking about Keith when he’d made that outburst. “Lance,” Keith said, letting the holopad drop on the floor. He moved forward and awkwardly wrapped his arms around Lance. It seemed he’d done the right thing, because Lance grabbed onto Keith, burying his face into the side of his neck, sobbing heavily. “Lance?”

“I thought you were- They said you-” Lance’s sobs grew worse, and Keith had no idea what to do. He’d never had anyone comfort him as he cried. On instinct, he reached a hand up, running it through Lance’s hair. The sobs broke and died as Lance leaned into his touch. “I thought I lost you. I thought I’d never see your dumb mullet ever again.”

“It’s okay.” Though, he didn’t know if it was. Keith just knew that was something you said to someone who was crying. “I’m alive, right? And, I- Well, I don’t remember everything, but it’s coming back slowly.” His fingers twisted in Lance’s jacket. “And- I didn’t want to make you cry. I honestly thought no one would miss me.”

“The mullet is growing into your brain,” Lance muttered into Keith’s neck. “Of course, I’d miss you. I love you.” Keith stiffened, breath catching in his throat. Those were the last words he ever thought he’d hear come out of Lance’s mouth. “I was stupid. I _am_ stupid. I should’ve told you every single day how much I cared about you, made you feel wanted, but I pushed you away, because I was so insecure.”

“I love you, too.” Keith glanced down at Lance, still carding his fingers through Lance’s hair. “I don’t know when it started. I don’t think there was one moment that said ‘Hey, you love Lance’. It was a lot of things. Maybe I should’ve said it, too, maybe I should’ve said it first.” He sighed, resting his cheek against Lance’s head. “I really messed things up for us, didn’t I?”

“Trust me, you didn’t mess anything up.” Lance pulled back, resting a hand against Keith’s cheek. The tears were still streaming down his face, but he was smiling. “That why you were hitting on me? Because you love me so much?” His thumb massaged gently into Keith’s skin, and Keith never thought he’d feel the touch of Lance’s skin against his. “That’s kind of sweet, that you’d love me even if you forgot me.”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” Keith protested, though heat rose in his cheeks. “It’s just because you’re cute. Don’t think we have some bond or something.” Still, it made the grin on Lance’s face grow, and it was kind of a relief seeing it there. “But you’re really going to pretend like I didn’t- We’re not going to talk about what I put us through?”

“There’s no sense blaming yourself, Keith. I had a lot to do with it, too.” The grin faded slightly from Lance’s face as his gaze became locked onto Keith’s. “I should’ve been there for you. I know, you could’ve reached out, but I should’ve made it clear that you could. And I overlooked all the signs. I’m just hoping we can move past this. Get you help somehow.”

“Lance-” Keith cut himself off, feeling tears falling down his cheeks. The him without his memories was right. He really was lucky to have someone like Lance who cared about him. “Thank you,” he said, while leaning forward, using his hand in his hair to guide Lance towards him. Their lips met, and Keith wished he had done this sooner.

The kiss was wet, which was to be expected since they were both still crying. It was a bit awkward, too, with neither knowing exactly how they should fit together. That didn’t make it bad, though, since there was promise, which was more than Keith ever thought he’d get or be allowed. Lance thought he’d be happy if he’d forgot, but right now, he was glad that he remembered, because it made kissing Lance all the better.

Pulling back, Keith pressed his forehead against Lance’s, panting slightly. “While I’d like to keep doing this, I think I need to get my things packed.” He winced as he remembered his job, and he wasn’t looking forward to quitting. “Then I need to say goodbye to Klarc and Yarm. I hope they can get another full-time server. After everything they did, I feel bad for leaving them on such short notice.”

Lance raised an eyebrow as he brought a hand up to rub the tears out of his eyes. “The Blades have you on that tight of a schedule?” he asked bitterly. “Couldn’t you just hand in your two-week notice and then head back to them then? They all think you’re dead, making them wait a little longer isn’t going to hurt.”

“No, they don’t, because I’m not going back there.” Keith smiled, and it felt like his first genuine one in forever. “Lance, I’m going back to the Castle with you. I’m going home.” A grin lit up Lance’s face, and that was all the warning he got before he was pulled into another kiss. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, a happy life devoid of fighting, but for the first time since his mom left him, he knew that he at least had a family that would be by his side. For the first time, maybe since before that, Keith knew he was loved.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on my writing journal at [KatsudonAce](https://katsudonace.tumblr.com/) or on my main at [Keithphantom](http://keithphantom.tumblr.com/).


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